a Need or a Want?

Im glad that i got back into the working society alrdy.

i keep myself very busy on weekdays with a routine such as....
waking up at 7 head to work, lunch, knock off, back home at 7.30, i bath & hav dinner, & playtime with baby at 8.30 onwards, lastly giv baby his last feed change into pyjamas and put him onto bed

nnnnnnnn the next day, e routine repeats itself

but on friday night, i went to stock up milk powder & diaper, 2each, n it was rather heavy
but i didnt feel tired cos im doing all this for my precious

but at that moment, i starting wondering to myself.... as much as i love him still, i've kinda move on abit from those constant tearing days

not that it doesnt hurts, but it hurts so much, so deep that i'm numb to the thoughts to the feelings.. but probably im jus masking it up for fear of causing my family to worry, den they will start asking n i get agitated n cry again

so i asked myself, having him back by my side.. is it gonna be a want or a need for me or for lucas or for us?

i seriously dono

cos since birth (althou w my granny help) i can handle everything about Lucas by myself.. from daily routine, which i think its not smth easy ok as its a 24/7 routine at times u wake up suddenly becos of baby's crying when u jus doze off for 5mins.

to his checkup, jabs, groceries for Lucas, financially
and now insurance bla bla bla since i've started working, im planning for the future alrdy

as you know, mummies & woman are the strongest creature in this world. they might b weak in LOVE but when situation wants them to b strong for a particular reason they r able to do a fantastic job

especially! first thing first, going through labour was alrdy smth so tough itself

i pray n hope that one day i'll get a answer from my heart n god

but still p/s: i miss you hubby!